He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize