I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
