Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
