Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
