So drunk its hurt
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
