I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
