I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
