So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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