I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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