Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Text me some of your sweat
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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