He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
