i already hear my dad disowning me
You can't motorboat a personality
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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