did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
