he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My ass is underappreciated
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize