he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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