the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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