how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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