Its about making memories worth repressing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
