you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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