you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
