i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
