His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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