11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
