dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
even my farts smell like vagina
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
