Whod you bang
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
