No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
