just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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