Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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