You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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