I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
