my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
