So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You made out with two different species that night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
