I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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