he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he's gonorrhea incarnate
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
