I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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