sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
