homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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