when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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