I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
