I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
