Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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