Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
