i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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