They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
