my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
