I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
