Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize