I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Me. At least after what I've been through.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
