so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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