there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize