Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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