My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
