Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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