I'm jealous of your bromance
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
