she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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