This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
