YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All the doctor said was why
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
