i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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