omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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