I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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