I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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