You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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