now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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