At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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