Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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