My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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